“Bakit hindi ka pa nag-aasawa?”

The eternal question. I’ve been hearing it a bit more frequently these days, particularly from my yoga classmates and older relatives, although one of my sisters tells me that our eldest sister has been asking that question about me and wondering why TJ hasn’t proposed even though we’ve been together for a while. It’s a question that’s basically been discussed to death in various blogs and even newspaper columns, with some people suggesting snarky responses. While the prescribed responses are usually very funny, I feel they’ll simply sail over the head of the questioner as such people are typically immune to sarcasm. Can’t stand to see good lines go to waste.

When I get asked that question, I already have the following stock answers prepared:

1. Sure, someday.
2. It’s not in our immediate plans.
3. Each of us is still in the process of pursuing our own financial goals.
4. We’re not yet ready for that.
5. We both have responsibilities that we need to prioritize.
6. Ehehehehe.

From what I’ve seen, however, those answers aren’t enough because people will ask again five minutes later. I used to get really annoyed when the question comes up and people don’t seem to accept my answer. In my head, I’ll be thinking, “Oh my gods, shut up and leave me alone already. Can you people honestly say that your marriages are glorious and getting married made your lives better? No? Okay then. Stop trying to get me to join your club of marrieds because I don’t want in.” 1

And then I realized that the question is asked mainly because it’s very generic, something people choose to go with based on what they know about me: my age, the fact that I’m in a long-term relationship, and the fact that I’m female and presumably eager to initiate the child-having and -bearing process. If they really knew stuff about me and if we were interested in the same things, I imagine they would be asking me about those things. “Hey Lynn, how’s work? Any new projects?” “How’s your Dad’s health?” “Are you getting Heart of the Swarm when it comes out?” “Did you like Christopher Lee’s metal album and are you getting the new one?” “A store in MOA sells Bear Grylls knives!” “How’s your latest obsession?”

As it is, many people who ask me those questions know very little about me, and my interests are shared by only a few people I know, which is why others resort to “When are you getting married? Why aren’t you married yet?” followed by the “Don’t you want to have kids? You’re already 31, you don’t want to put it off for too long.” Hence, I resolve to be more patient and kinder the next time the same people ask me that question. And by more patient and kinder, I mean I will pick one of the six abovementioned responses, deliver it calmly, and resist the urge to shout, “Oh my gods, stop, I answered this question lots of times before, get some new ones.”

  1. Also, “Sure, I could get married tomorrow if you buy us a house, give us money to spend for the wedding, and set us up with a fund to kick off our married life.

March 07, 2013 by Lynn
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