After that horrendous hostage situation, the bus has turned into a tourist attraction. This photo highlights some of the things that are wrong about us Filipinos: an inability to take critical issues seriously, a tendency to enthusiastically engage in kodakan, and a habit of making a big joke out of everything.

The results of the 2010 elections had the ardent supporters of now-President-elect and oft-dubbed savior of the Philippines Noynoy Aquino rejoicing, feeling hopeful, and eagerly awaiting June 30 when Aquino could finally take the reins from Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo and steer the country into a brighter, corruption-free future. Perfectly normal; everyone’s looking forward to the end of the Arroyo era.

But the Noynoy supporters are something special altogether, because along with their joyful afterglow comes an uglier animal: the gloat. They’re just not content with merely triumphantly sounding the horns of victory and feverishly shaking their yellow pompoms. They have taken to jeering, mocking, and pointing derisively at those who are critical of Noynoy. Every time a negative word is lashed against him, these people’s responses follow one particular track, and could be any of the following:

1. “Hahaha, bitter lang kayo, kasi natalo mga kandidato niyo!”
2. “Ang lakas ng loob ninyo mag-criticize. Bakit, may nagawa na ba kayo para sa bansa natin?”
3. “Wala kang kwentang Pilipino, crab mentality talaga, hindi niyo nirerespeto ang electoral process, hindi mo mahal ang bansa natin, lumayas ka na lang, hindi ka namin kailangan dito.”
4. “Wala na kayong magagawa, siya na ang presidente natin, magtulong-tulong na lang tayo.”
5. “Go P-Noy! Don’t pay attention to these negative people. We fully support you!”

Of all these responses, the fourth one makes the most sense. But the other four speak volumes about the intelligence and reasoning skills of Noynoy’s supporters. Despite all attempts at voter education and intelligent discourse about politics and elections, people still default to their elementary-school ways. It’s not enough for Noynoy to have won; they have this indescribable need to taunt those who weren’t on their side, haha, kulelat kayo, beh buti nga, panalo kami. Which leads to everyone else scratching their heads and wondering when it became a bad thing to complain about or oppose those who are in power, especially since those same taunters were among those who complained the loudest about Arroyo.

To all Noynoy supporters: We’re not asking much from you. We’re not trying to force you to stop supporting Noynoy, and we’re definitely not calling for his head or for him to get kicked out. Like you, we’re hoping for the best, and that he really will be up to the job of fixing the country, because heavens know we need fundamental change. But what we would like is for you to remember that there is such a thing as free speech, and that whether you like it or not, there will be people who will not approve of Noynoy’s decisions, policies, or behavior. It would be such a relief if you realized that criticism doesn’t mean we hate the country, but that we love it and are perfectly willing to say what needs to be said if it can help people wake up and start thinking. We also wish that you exercise discernment as well, and that you keep a close watch on the incoming government as well, rather than simply cheering on every effort just because it’s Noynoy at the helm.

Of course, none of what I or other critics say will matter, because you’ll be too busy howling in outrage and telling us we’re a bunch of unnationalistic assholes who need God in our lives and to just believe that Noynoy is The Answer To All Ills.

For the longest time, I’ve been a huge fan of Conrado de Quiros. The man is a brilliant writer and can turn a tidy phrase, and when his bile is in full flow, make sure you’re clinging to a huge rock lest you get swept away. He has been able to eloquently express whatever rage I’ve been feeling about this country and its government, and I’ve often thought of him as the paragon of sound thinking and judgment. He always came across as a no-nonsense man, who was genuinely sick of how things currently are in the country and was keen on seeing real change happen.

Then Cory Aquino died, and all hell broke loose.

He spoke very admiringly about Cory during her funeral mass and frankly admitted to being a former critic of hers. No problem there, but warning bells clanged madly in my head when he began to write about Noynoy picking up where his parents left off, and possibly becoming the next leader of this country. It was a laughable idea. Noynoy, president? All we knew of him was that he’s the son of Ninoy and Cory, with no impressive accomplishments and no fierce convictions whatsoever. What was a bigger surprise to me, however, was not that Noynoy was being floated as a possible presidential candidate, but that it was de Quiros who mightily championed it. A man who raged against incompetence in public officials and political dynasties, who sought concrete solutions to the Philippines’ many problems.

Now he’s rallying everyone to get behind someone who will supposedly continue the supposed legacy of goodness and honesty, to hell with actual experience and ability. It boggles the mind, and it’s hard to stomach, seeing a writer I greatly admired for his crystal-clear logic exhorting people to believe in someone because he will allegedly save us all. These days, he’s crafting articles bubbling over with praise for Noynoy and how he will rid the government of corruption, but he has yet to fully explain exactly why Noynoy is the best man for the job, apart from simply repeating statements like “he does not owe anybody anything” and “he has a legacy to protect.” It seems as though he himself as forgotten that corruption is not the only thing we’re grappling with in the Philippines, and that battling it is not the only task of a president. Thus far, he has likened Noynoy to Frodo, because like the latter, Noynoy supposedly did not want the job, but instead had it foisted upon him–complete bullshit, if you ask me, because if he truly did not want power, he wouldn’t have run for president in the first place–and Aragorn, because Noynoy can tap People Power “to fight corruption, and the summons will reach the farthest reaches of the forests to draw out an army, one ready for a long and arduous campaign.”

I suppose that’s what I get for believing there is someone out there who will always have the temerity to say what needs to be said.

My displeasure with de Quiros could easily be chalked up to the fact that we didn’t support the same candidate, or to an admirer’s disillusionment and disappointment with someone whom she once admired, or even to sourgrapes over a defeated candidate. But it goes beyond that. He could support Noynoy for all I care. I just wish he would stop writing about the man as if he were some savior we should all look up to and blindly support, and that he would be just as prepared to rip into Noynoy every time he does and says something stupid or detrimental to the country’s growth as he has been with Arroyo. Sure he writes editorials, and if his opinion is that Noynoy is God made flesh, there’s really nothing we can do about it but, well, laugh at him, an activity that has already commenced in earnest in many other websites. All I have to say is that if Noynoy ends up turning the Philippines into the Next Big Thing, I will gladly eat my words. But if he ends up running this country further into the ground–and I predict we are marvelously capable of sinking further into depths hitherto unexplored–then at least I will have something to laugh at, and that will be you, Mr. de Quiros, if you continue to cheerfully sing Noynoy’s praises while the world crumbles.

I have quite the love-hate relationship with Facebook. On one hand, I log on every single day to open my restaurant and put my mafia to work. On the other hand, nearly everything about it pisses me off, and I don’t mean the supposedly insane privacy settings. I’ve never taken issue with those, personally. Just quit posting embarrassing stuff on your profile and make sure to check your privacy settings regularly and see if Facebook didn’t mess around with it.

But I digress. One of the funny things that Facebook (and well, the Internet, really) has done with people is to convince them that everything they say and do is vitally important to the proper functioning of the world. Everywhere, people are posting pictures of them doing everything, and sharing status updates and links like crazy. Insightful or funny statuses are always welcome, as are useful and entertaining links. But status updates that simply say, “Just came from the mall” or “Had cake for dessert”? Hardly exciting. Or maybe that’s just me, because those are the updates that invariably receive an avalanche of comments, ranging from “Good for you!” to “Hope you had fun!” and “Why didn’t I see you there?!”

There’s no higher calling for a woman than being a person who nurtures you, respects you, and looks after you. At least that’s according to the latest ad from Team Manny Villar, featuring Loren Legarda, who’s clawing her way to the vice presidency a second time, and the women in their senatorial line-up. After the women earnestly declare that they will, well, be our mothers (at least how commercials typically portray mothers), Villar swoops in, boasting that he has nobody but the best, most accomplished women on his team.

Yeah, sure, whatever, but your ad certainly didn’t make that clear. All your ad did was to make them look like gentle, soft-spoken people who will love us no matter what we did and patch up our bruises, not fierce crusaders who are fully capable of grabbing the reins and guiding this country out of the muck. You claim you’ve got the best women on your slate? Tell us why and how they excel, don’t parade them around in soft lighting and have them speak slowly and soothingly.

I take offense at so many commercials that it’s practically impossible for me to watch TV without snorting disgustedly or screaming at yet another stupid ad. My latest target: SkinWhite’s ad for their new whitening lotion…for teenagers.

Much has already been said about the Filipina’s unhealthy obsession with skin whitening, and the unfortunate effect that centuries of being under the thumb of some foreign power has done for our concept of beauty–and let’s not forget the ongoing influence of Japanese and Korean pop culture. It’s well known that women are expected to adhere to society’s impossible expectations of beauty. But we could make things a lot easier for future generations of women by boosting their self-esteem, letting them know that they’re all perfect the way they are, and that looking good is perfectly all right, but they don’t have to starve themselves or inject all sorts of unmentionables into their system to make it happen.

I make myself laugh with my own idealism.

Of course no one is going to do that. Playing on people’s insecurity can make a lot of money. Make ‘em feel inadequate, make ‘em feel ugly and you’ll have them eating out of your hand, or in most cases, opening their wallets to give you all the money they have just to make their problems and problem areas go away. And unfortunately, one of the most insecure people in the world is the teenage girl. That may be a funny idea given that teenagers these days are typically described as being full of themselves and overconfident that they’re the most awesome creatures on the planet, but behind that lies the fact that the teenage girl can be eager for approval; she’s dressing up to look pretty, to be accepted, and to gain the admiration of other people. Credit that to the fact that women are raised to be pleasant and agreeable.

So it’s no surprise that women make fine targets for companies peddling products, lifestyles, and images. Just imagine how many women were lured by the glitz of Sex and the City. Blessedly, not all women are influenced by what media and the advertisers say. However, targeting teenaged girls and using their concerns over growing up and fitting in to sell a product is ten kinds of low. It’s hard enough growing up and dealing with uncomfortable physical changes; hearing that you need to change yourself and your appearance just makes things worse, and to recommend using a product allegedly formulated with ingredients to lighten your skin is not just an insult, it’s unhealthy. Of course, I’m not saying that all teenaged girls will be swayed into buying this product. Nevertheless, the concept of a skin whitening lotion for teenaged girls is just irresponsible. It doesn’t make them feel better about themselves nor does it encourage them to take care of themselves the right way. It just makes them think, “Hey, maybe there is something wrong with me and my skin. I think I do need that lotion.” Heck of a way to improve girls’ image of themselves and believe that they’re beautiful the way they already are. Thanks, skin care companies and the dimwit advertisers who come up with your concepts.

And don’t me get started on Palmolive’s Fashion Girl shampoo.